[My new feature that will not happen regularly, just when artists release shit music videos. AMVD stands for A Music Video Deconstructed because who doesn't love a pretentious column title?]
Katy Perry had all that success with 'Teenage Dream' and like a prom queen hanging onto her high school success, she is re-releasing the album as 'Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection' with three new tracks, one of which is 'Part of Me'. She's split from Russell Brand, died her hair some God-awful shade of bluey-purple and released a track that's been lying around her tour bus for a couple of years - what a joker.
The song's been A-listed on Radio 1 for a while, and owing to that cringe-inducing Live Lounge and the just-plain-bad Sports Relief performance, the song shot to Number One. Just before this happened in the UK, she released the video...
Someone in the comments (the most-thumbed comment, actually), explains how her, as a woman, joining the army is 'the IDEA. the high concept'. Amazing. High-concept this is not.
0.00 - 0.11 Katy Perry sits in a car, listening to a radio show about her own life which is a bit weird and admittedly a bit 'high-concept'
0.13 She can hardly move in that denim jacket but storms in to confront 'her man' anyway
0.39 - 0.41 Some serious lip-biting action if you're in to that kind of thing
0.57 - 1.07 Awkward noticeboard epiphany.
1.12 In a standard, logical 'we've just broken up' mood, Katy cuts off most of her hair and dresses like a boy and gets a knicker shot in 'for the lads'. Just look how dramatically she cuts that wig.
1.23 THE HAIR GRIEF.
1.41 But none of this makes any sense BECAUSE all the woman in her quadrant/section/girl group have long hair. Heck, even the sergeant's got a ponytail. That's why it's all a bit stupid.
1.49 This is all quite big-budget
2.01 - 2.02 They seriously missed a trick here by not having the clown balloon exploding as the chorus kicked in. Seriously.
2.06 - There's an awful lot of noise here which is probably to prevent us all ripping the audio from the youtube video *sigh*
2.25 It all gets a bit weird here, because we keep cutting from men to women all the time and Katy Perry IS a woman, but she's dressed a bit like a man, but she still looks like a woman because it's Katy Perry. WHAT is she saying about gender roles and the army? WHAT comment does she make on Don't Ask Don't Tell? OR is she just using this whole war thing to her own gain to make a 'LOLtastic' video? Let's look at the Youtube comments:
''Woman or no, this video purports strength of character = fear, hate and
ultimately war. It's propaganda disguised as empowerment for
And you fell for it.'' - Matttriano
2.36 - 2.39 Katy Perry does not belong in the army.
2.44 A letter from the ex. Because, yes, I'm sure she forwarded her details to the ex-boyfriend who cheated on her, 'just in case'.
3.03 - 3.06 This bath/war double shot thing's quite good.
3.08 This dancing under a banner thing's all quite bad.
It all gets a bit boring here until
4.03 WAR PERRY
As you can see, this was all quite meaningful - please take some time to digest what you have just witnessed.
Oh and please watch this where you can see Perry do 'her thing' - her thing is 'hitting bum notes' - at 1.51.
1.51 is the best comedy you will see on the BBC this year.