01 May, 2012

Steps: On The Road Again - Fucking Hilarious



Steps have reformed and it's quite possibly one of the best things to happen to 2011 and 2012. There's been tears (Lisa's), there's been laughter (mostly mine) and there's been lots of talking about food (Claire). It's clear that all five members of Steps hate one another, but when the outcome's this good, who cares? Here's some things I'm loving about the series:

Lisa Scott-Lee's Existence This. Lisa is the most fame-hungry member of the band, and the one with the most to lose. She knows (and we all know after that failed MTV documentary) that she has no hope of cracking the music industry, without the other four. That's even why she pretends to be friends with Claire at the races even though her eyes say something different. Something very different.


Claire Not Helping Herself Post-dance rehearsal she said 'Oh I just want a pizza' and after an interview on Lorraine she said 'Can we get a bacon sandwich now?' She also throws strops in dance classes and everyone politely pretends they haven't noticed that 'she's got a bit bigger since the first time'. Magnificent television. In episode one she 'revealed' that she'd had a bit of trouble with her weight. Oh really Claire? Seriously though? I wouldn't have known from the 345 magazine covers, fitness DVD and 'Slave to Food' TV show. I really wouldn't.

Them Hating Each Other Magazine interviews, television appearances, touring, chatting - throughout every single feature, the hatred in the group is palpable. H thinks Claire's too fat and noone forgives them two for leaving the band and Lisa's angry with H for not attending her wedding and Faye thinks Lisa should be at rehearsals and Claire wishes she could be a solo artist and everyone's angry at Lisa for being a twat and Lee just wishes he could go back to Personal Training with his friend once a week. I can't wait till their bare-knuckle fights.
This frivolity is all fake.
 Lisa's Family Living Inconveniently in Dubai Lisa's narrative this series surrounding her love for her children and their new life in Dubai doesn't ring true. 'I'm a family girl but really I'd kill my husband and his gran to record a new album' is more like it. Last week she said 'I'm doing it for them [my kids]' - no, Lisa, you're doing it for you. Because you're a fame-hungry bellend. Also Lisa has it 'so much worse' than everyone else, because she chose to live in Dubai (it's not like she had a job to think about guys so world travel was easy) and for some unfathomable reason, can't move her small children back to the UK for a month with her while she tours. Cue outrage from the rest of group but really Lisa's loving this attention. And once the cameras stop rolling, she'll be the first one to sign on the dotted line for the new album.

Them Pretending They're 'Working Parents' Lisa's a twat but I expected more of Faye Tozer. She told Claire that she 'had to be a working mother' - frankly, she didn't, and it's not as if she's been working non-stop because panto season is only one month a year. Also, all the girls have live-at-home husbands that live off the back of Steps' success so really let's not pretend your husband won't look after them. Oh and let's none of us pretend that Lisa Scott-Lee has worked at all in seven years since 'Totally Scott-Lee' because she literally hasn't.
 
I for one can't wait for the tour to be shown on TV (I would have bought a ticket but really that's just getting ridiculous past the point of 'having a laugh') and for hopefully a new album. Frankly, they could turn Steps into a 24-hour livestream of their lives and I would watch. I LOVE IT.


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